It was during those first few days in England that the reality of my finances sank in. In addition to the surprising depth of homesickness, intense worry over my money wracked my emotions. I was sick to my stomach and had to force myself to eat to keep up my strength. There was little joy in making and eating food as there usually had been in my past.
My greatest fear was that I would run out of money and have to go back to Boise, Idaho, my hometown, a failure and a disappointment for not being able to take care of myself. I had been raised with an intense sense of self-reliance and independence. If after only a few months, I had to go back to the United States it meant asking for financial help and feeling ashamed. I cried a lot in those days working through my fear and pleading with God to help me figure out how to make money to survive.
One afternoon, I was worrying and crying again as I put crunchies into my cat’s shiny new food dish. Petey bounded into the room and started munching.
Suddenly, God’s voice said, “Look at your cat! He doesn’t ask how you are going to feed him. When the food gets low he doesn’t run in circles around your feet wailing, “Mom, what are we going to do? What are we going to do?” He just knows that when the supply gets low, you fill his bowl. Do you trust Me like that?”
Pierced through the heart, I crumpled onto my sofa and prayed for that kind of simple trust. I can’t say the rest of the time in England was easy after that, but little by little the fear ebbed and I was able to begin asking new friends at church for help and I was able to get help from people back home. God also gave me ideas to save my money as I continued to live each day, one at a time. I didn’t have the full picture how God would meet all my needs, I just knew He would fill my ‘dish’ when I got ‘hungry’.
